Second Thoughts & Emerging Doubts

[heartnet]

Did the moon have any worries? No, of course not. It just came and went as it pleased. It didn't sneak around the sun's back, it just did as it was supposed to. The moon...

'Here I go comparing myself to the moon. What a silly thought. Especially since I've gotten myself in much deeper than I should be.' Lightningpaw snapped out of his thoughts, looking away from the night sky where the moon only half shone through the clouds now. It didn't matter, Heronpaw, Woodpaw, and he had been training for weeks in the night, so his eyes had learned to adjust. He could almost see as if it were day or a complete full moon. For now, he sat out to the side and was supposed to be paying attention as Burntstar taught a new move. He would probably be scolded harshly for doing so, as if it were foolish. But as always, he let his mind wander and start to doubt. Lately, the doubts had become more and more troubling. He didn't know about Woodpaw, but he would gladly give this up and stop, pretend it never happen if he could. But he also knew his brother wouldn't take that too lightly and most definately wouldn't leave. Actually....lately Heronpaw was starting to make him nervous. He was getting to ambitious for his own good and was like Burntstar's right paw. Wherever he went, so did Heronpaw. Lightningpaw never had play fight with him anymore, they were almost like they were fighting to the death. And as always, Lightningpaw made sure Heronpaw won. Otherwise....he'd suffer nasty consequences. Sighing, he finally turned his full attention back to Burntstar to listen. As always, this would be a loooong night.

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

"...and of course, Lightningpaw isn't listening to a word I say."
Burntstar's voice was cold and casual, perhaps like the moon the apprentice had been comparing himself to. He turned his eyes on him, glaring down. "Tired, are we? Am I boring you, Lightningpaw?" The suffix was drawed out just to emphasise the black and white tom's position. He was an apprentice and meant to listen to his teacher.
"Kindly fill him in Heronpaw," he added, tossing his head to the mentioned apprentice.
Heronpaw grinned.

Lightingpaw was perfectly correct on his suspicions regarding his brother. Heronpaw was becomming Burntstar's favourite and he was loving it. He often quoted Burntstar back at camp, hissing them at Lightningpaw whenever possible. Heronpaw's mind was a collection of every word that had passed the old leader's lips and every move his paws had me. Thus, when Burntstar called on him to fill Lightningpaw in, he relished the task. Also, it gave him an excuse to rip the pelt off his back for not paying attention to the lesson.
"Burntstar was just saying, Lightningpaw,-" Note the imitation here "-that we should use territory to our advantage. Always try to fight uphill from your enemy has it gives you many advantages. One, it is easier to drive them back as they have to use energy to climb up. Two, you can see any approaching warriors. Always try to get the advantage of height."
"He was also discussing how thorny plants can be used to trap enemies. We should try and drive them back into it and give them no escape. Also, if we can hide amongst it if we're willing to loose some fur and skin in the process."
Heronpaw looked to Burntstar for his praise and recieved it in a curt nod. He looked back to his brother, pride puffing and his chest and his blue eyes taunting Lightningpaw. He was better than him, more skilled in both intelligence and physique. If Lightningpaw couldn't pay attention why did he bother coming? He was becomming a complete embarrassment.

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw winced as he heard his name being mentioned and he turned his guilty, green gaze back to Burntstar. "N-no Burntstar, you're not boring me.." He said quietly, looking down as he drew out the suffix of his name. Did he really have to do that? Of course Lightningpaw was aware of his status here, this older tom just wanted to make sure everyone knew he was in charge. "Kindly fill him in Heronpaw," He gritted his teeth as he caught the look on his brother's face, just waiting for the lecture. His brother enjoyed this so much....it was aggravating. Especially since Lightningpaw did know what Burntstar had said. Just because he didn't look like he was paying attention, he had heard every word. "Burntstar was just saying, Lightningpaw,-" Note the imitation here "-that we should use territory to our advantage. Always try to fight uphill from your enemy has it gives you many advantages. One, it is easier to drive them back as they have to use energy to climb up. Two, you can see any approaching warriors. Always try to get the advantage of height."
"He was also discussing how thorny plants can be used to trap enemies. We should try and drive them back into it and give them no escape. Also, if we can hide amongst it if we're willing to loose some fur and skin in the process."
Lightningpaw sighed, looking up to meet his brother's obnoxiously proud gaze. "Thank you Heronpaw. You also forgot to mention one of his key points was to know the surroundings like your own den. Try to observe every rabbit hole, foxes den, and gopher burrow so not to sprain your paw to get in a disadvantage while fighting. It helps with retreating, hiding, and advancing attacks." He finished, sounding bored and irritated. He met his brothers gaze cooly, placing his tail neatly over his paws.

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

Burntstar smiled slyly, almost in approval, at Lightningpaw. He found the brothers amusing, as he each taunted each and fought relentlessly. Each training fight he had witnessed between them was a near fight-to-the-death match. "I'm glad to hear you're listening," he meowed softly.
Heronpaw, of course, was far from glad. Lightningpaw had just humiliated him in front of Burntstar. His ears burned with embrassment as he glared at his brother's cool gaze. He snarled loudly and bristled the fur along his spine. How dare he! I'll show him not to make fun of me! He felt a soft tail tip flick across his shoulders and looked up to see Burntstar's firm gaze. "Now, now," the older tom meowed, shaking his head in disapproval,"There will be plenty of time for that". He turned away and padded back to his perch on a rotting log.
"Tonight you will be training using what I have taught you. The area is this camp, including the area around it," Burntstar informed them. "You shall fight each other, or, if you prefer, Suntail and Cactus." For those who didn't know them, Suntail was a slim golden tabby and Burntstar's mate. She was born to a kittypet and a rogue but had found a place in the Clans with her sister, Desertflower. Heronpaw was fully aware that the RainClan warrior was not Clan-born but he had no idea she was of Suntail's family. Perhaps if he were to know that, he would treat Maplepaw, Desertflower's daughter, a little better. The latter Burntstar had suggested, was a rogue and Suntail's father. Burntstar kept a tight little family with them but they never seemed to mention their kits. In fact, the only time Heronpaw had heard Burntstar mention them was when he was actually talking to Honeyfrost on the hillside. As soon as Hawkstar let them go to a Gathering, he was going searching for her siblings that Maplepaw had told them about.
The grey tabby grinned wildly at Lightingpaw, a malignant look in his eye. His brother would be coming home in pieces tonight.

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw knew his brother was sure to make him pay for his response, he knew it as soon as the last word left his tongue and Heronpaw's arrogant smile disappeared. But he didn't care anymore. Tonight, he had just had enough of his brother's attitude towards him lately. How could he even call himself his brother anymore? They used to be inseperable, maybe fight sometimes, but still they were like best friends. Now, it seemed even Lightningpaw was having trouble dealing with Heronpaw. He didn't even try to defend him anymore, what was the point? He actually got a chill down his spine at the look from Burntstar. He didn't want his approval, not really. Heronpaw may have wanted it, but he sure didn't. He flinched at the news of training, catching his brother's grin. 'Great....now I'll have to explain why I loss half my fur in my sleep!' He thought with unease, shaking his head with a sigh. "I....I actually would prefer to fight Suntail and Cactus.." he spoke up quietly, looking down to his paws.

[lord of all yellow mice]

"Y-yeah! And if they fight each other, what am I going to do? Stand here?" Woodpaw found himself shaking, though he was not sure whether it was with annoyance or fear. He didn't actually want to fight the rogues, but he was sick of how obsessed with playing around with the other two apprentices Burntstar seemed to be.

The fact that Heronpaw sucked up to Burntstar so much and had become an obvious favourite bugged Woodpaw to no end, and the gray-and-white tom's cocky attitude didn't help one bit. Both he and Lightningpaw got plenty of attention, and the rogue's constant meddling with them had Woodpaw feeling more and more left out. Afraid as he was of their vicious fights, he found that part of himself longed to join them.
He had heard so many stories that had made him think of Burntstar as a dangerous, even evil, cat. Training with him now, however, the tan apprentice saw only a mentor - a powerful teacher who could help any cat to quickly improve and surpass his denmates in fighting. The feeling that tingled at the back of his mind, telling him that something wasn't quite right, would have to be pushed aside if he were to get anywhere near the others' level of skill.

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

"Kittypet," Heronpaw snorted. "You're just afraid that'll beat you!"
"Enough!" their mentor snarled. Burntstar's amber eyes flashed angrily. Yes, Lightningpaw was acting soft but it worried him that he was genuinely afraid of his brother. He was trying to train them into a tight-knit fighting force not a group of bickering rogues. "Lightningpaw has made his decision and Woodpaw would like a fair chance. I'm sure he would like to try his skills," he informed them.
Heronpaw snorted again and screwed up his nose. To him, Woodpaw was just a tag-along and not a real member of their group but he had a point. The sides were uneven. What they really needed to do was expand. There were plenty of apprentices in the other Clans, Maplepaw had told them so.
Burntstar had continued without Heronpaw's input and had gone to fetch Suntail and Cactus from their nests. The grey tabby turned his blue eyes to Lightningpaw and tilted his head, a gesture he made whenever he was thinking about something. "We need more apprentices," he meowed slowly. "We can't fight Suntail or Cactus forever. We need other apprentices to practise with. "

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw ignored his brother's comment, looking to Burntstar instead. He wasn't afraid he would be beat him, he knew Heronpaw would beat him. Mostly because he didn't want to win. Why? Otherwise Heronpaw would make his life more miserable, always trying to win and prove himself better at everything. He felt glad that the rogue decided to follow up with his and Woodpaw's choice. Not that the rogues were easy, but he knew for a least now they wouldn't purposely try to kill him. He caught his brother's look and raised a brow in curiosity. What was he thinking about? "We need more apprentices. We can't fight Suntail or Cactus forever. We need other apprentices to practise with. "
Lightningpaw frowned at this, ears flattening. He wanted to drag other apprentices into this too? "No way! We're not even supposed to be doing this, how are you even thinking to ask more to join!?"

[lord of all yellow mice]

Besides, Heronpaw, don't you want to be better than the other apprentices?
Woodpaw didn't say it aloud, knowing that it would only reveal his jealousy. If other apprentices started joining the group, then they would all learn Burntstar's techniques as well. As much as he hated to admit it, being in on the little secret of the training sessions made Woodpaw feel - well, special. He didn't want anyone else there. And yet - he knew he was being selfish. The relationships between the Clans confused him, so he had always been one to think for himself. Thinking of RainClan for once, he struggled over whether to change his mind. If other RainClan apprentices started joining, the Clan would have more great warriors, wouldn't it? Yes, if they could all be as great as Burntstar...
"I... I don't think it would be so bad if other apprentices joined," he spoke slowly, nervous about talking to Heronpaw. "But only from RainClan, right? Burntstar could help us become a powerful Clan, and, um... y'know. But not the other Clans."

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

And a typical response from RainClan's biggest coward!
Heronpaw kept his cool and smiled nicely, pitying his mouse-brained brother. However, he was genuinely glad to hear that Woodpaw was on his side. Even his comment was mouse-brained as well.
"No, it would be too noticeable if more RainClan apprentices began improving," he told them. He turned to Lightningpaw to deliver his next blow. "Anyway, if Maplepaw catches on about what we're doing- because there's no way she's joining us -you'll tell her everything."

"You could invite those nice little cats at the barn," purred a voice. Suntail and had overheard Heronpaw's idea (Who couldn't? He talked loudly) and was happy to encourage it. She loved seeing the three apprentices, mostly because she missed her own offspring. All she had heard about them was that Flaxeyes know had kits. How many, she didn't know.
Burntstar rolled his eyes and brushed past his mate to take his perch again. "What are we inviting AquaClan warriors to and why?" he asked. Thankfully, he hadn't heard Heronpaw's idea and therefore missed Lightningpaw's comment about "we're not even susposed to me doing this!" Had he heard, he would of made Lightningpaw fight Heronpaw or Cactus with no restraints. The apprentices were here because they wanted to be here, and with no worries about it. Still, he glared at the apprentices, unhappy that they were keeping something from.

[lord of all yellow mice]

"These training sessions!" Woodpaw blurted quickly, without thinking. Something about Burntstar made the apprentice instinctively want to answer whatever question he asked. "Heronpaw was just saying that we'd be able to practice better if there were more of us." He let out a few nervous, audible breaths, looking about at the others. "Erm..."
Burntstar probably didn't care much about RainClan, but Woodpaw still didn't see why Heronpaw wanted apprentices from other Clans to join them. They'd be training alongside cats who may someday meet them in battle - did he really want them to become stronger, too? Woodpaw didn't want to keep thinking about it all. In fact, if anything he wished that the others would stop talking about AquaClan cats joining so that they could get the battle over with and bring an end to his anticipation. He pawed the ground, trying to prevent himself from saying anything more.

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw looked to Woodpaw, not believing his ears. These two were seriously thinking about this? If their father found out, they would probably be punished severely, but just because they were getting away with it, Heronpaw thought to take a bigger risk? It was crazy! If someone noticed or got curious, they'd all be in trouble. He looked to Heronpaw, about to object when his next comment caught him off guard. "Anyway, if Maplepaw catches on about what we're doing- because there's no way she's joining us -you'll tell her everything."
That was a low blow. Gritting his teeth, he responded sharply with built up anger. "So what? Least I have friends in our clan, unlike you who seems to make an enemy out of everyone! I'm tired of you teasing me about it! Maybe you're just jealous, you stupid furball!" He growled, shaking his head in disgust. He went silent as Suntail and Burntstar approached, not saying anything about the subject since he was still steaming.

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

Heronpaw meerly grinned, triumphant over Lightningpaw. It was so easy to push his brother to breaking point. He would know as he had done it many time before. The best way, he had found, was bring up the older apprentice, Maplepaw. Of course, he wasn't that jealous of their friendship but just enjoyed the reaction he got from him.
He cleared his throat purposely and finished what Woodpaw had been telling Burntstar. Once again, the tan tom had stumbled over his own words and was now looking sorry for himself. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
"I had the idea of bringing in apprentices from other Clans. Suntail kindly suggestes the AquaClan apprentices. If we train together we could form ties with other Clans! These would prove useful if we were to be attacked. We could call up favours. You know, connections!"

Burntstar stayed silent through the whole explanation, nodding slowly. His emotions were completely hidden behind his cool gaze. However, Cactus was grinning like a maniac.
When Heronpaw finished, an unsettling silence fell over the group. Everybody was waiting for Burntstar's thoughts.
"We can bring the Clans down from the inside out."

He continued.
"Together you can form ties of friendship which will allow you to run your own Clan smoothly with your trusted Clan mates. With followers, you really will be unstoppable."

Heronpaw purred and his rather fluffy tail thumped happily against the ground.

[lord of all yellow mice]

Woodpaw's eyes flickered to Heronpaw as he spoke. He's talking like he thinks he's Burntstar's deputy or something! Despite the tom's outrageous attitude, Woodpaw was a bit jealous at how clearly and calmly he was able to speak. Trying to push this from his thoughts, he waited for Burntstar's response. The rogues were acting kind of strange, and the apprentice was becoming more and more nervous. What was up with them?
"We can bring the Clans down from the inside out.[/i]"
Woodpaw froze, lifting his head to look at Burntstar. Where had that come from? He couldn't be serious, could he?
"[/color]Together you can form ties of friendship which will allow you to run your own Clan smoothly with your trusted Clan mates. With followers, you really will be unstoppable.[/i]"
An expression of slight confusion crossed Woodpaw's face as the tan apprentice began to wonder just how naive he'd been. All along, he had assumed - or had hoped, at least - that the three of them were being trained for their own good. He should have known that Burntstar had some other motive. He didn't understand exactly what the cat had meant by what he said, but something about his tone of voice gave Woodpaw a feeling of foreboding. The rogues - and Heronpaw, for that matter - looked distinctly pleased at the exile's speech.
"So... you're trying to use us to tear apart the Clans? Is that what you're saying?" Woodpaw sounded uncertain, almost as if he were hoping he was wrong. "W-where's the good in that?"[/color][/size]

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw gritted his teeth, hating the look on his brother's face. It was unbearable! He fell for his teasing once again and it was getting on his last nerve. He sighed, looking to Burnstar for his reaction to his brother's news. Noting the fact, by the way, how smug and secure Heronpaw was acting. And to think on the first day he had been shaking in the legs, ready to turn tail and run away as well.
"We can bring the Clans down from the inside out."
"Together you can form ties of friendship which will allow you to run your own Clan smoothly with your trusted Clan mates. With followers, you really will be unstoppable."
At this, Lightningpaw's heart stopped and blood went cold, a shiver runnign down his spine. This is what he feared would happen since they began this. Burntstar the traitor, the cold-blooded killer...of course he had an alterior motive! He glanced to his brother, sickened by the look of joy and pride on his face. Was he actually wanting this? Then his eyes flickered to Woodpaw, seeing he was just now soaking it up. 'This is not good....but what do I do? I can't just back out...and who would believe me anyway? Maplepaw?'
He didn't say a word, just looked down to his feet as blood pounded in his ears. This was like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. Oh Starclan...what now?

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

Burntstar smiled and tilted his head in amusement at Woodpaw's comment. "Well, I suspose like that it sounds awful." For a heavy built cat, he leapt gracefully from the rotten log. He circled the apparentices, his tail swishing like that of a predator. It was the slow of rythm of someone waiting to pounce.
But the whole time, Burntstar looked amused.
"You would be giving the Clans a fresh start. They are falling in honour, just look at the other three. Only RainClan has stayed strong through it all. But, RainClan could easily be better. There are warriors there who are not worth a whisker."

"A Clan of our choosing?" Heronpaw asked slowly. The idea was perfect. He knew exactly who he would remove from RainClan. With all the right warriors chosen especially we could be great! He grinned at Woodpaw and Lightningpaw, unaware of their unhappiness at the idea he loved so much.

Burntstar licked a paw and drew it over his ears casually. "Of course," he purred to Heronpaw, causing the apprentice to seemingly glow with happiness. "Or, if we do manage to bring other apprentices in, we could easily form our own Clan by drawing in warriors from their respective Clans."

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw felt his fur prickle as Burntstar circled them, keeping his gaze on his paws. He flinched as he felt his tail touch his pelt and he swallowed. This had been such a bad idea. They had defied their father and leader, now plotting against the clans? This was not what he wanted to do! And his brother seemed so excited about this...they had never been so different! "But there's always been four clans! Adding a fifth would...it would upset the balance of things." He finally spoke up, sounding sligtly nervous but definately unhappy.

[lord of all yellow mice]

Woodpaw instinctively began to spin around as the rogue circled them, trying to keep his eyes on him. He wasn't sure he quite liked what Burntstar was saying. After all, he liked all the RainClan warriors. Sure, there were clanmates who he'd disliked at times, and cats he was jealous of, but he'd never once thought that any of them didn't deserve to be a warrior. Why was Burntstar speaking so poorly of them?
Somehow, Woodpaw managed to step on his own back foot, nearly falling over. This circling thing was hard. He gave up, sitting down once more while muttering quietly under his breath. "If there's anyone in RainClan who's unworthy, it's me..."
But Burntstar continued to speak. "Or, if we do manage to bring other apprentices in, we could easily form our own Clan by drawing in warriors from their respective Clans."
"Eh?" Woodpaw's head snapped up. "A... a new Clan?"
Lightningpaw began to protest the idea. He didn't like this at all - that wasn't too difficult to derive. And Heronpaw... Heronpaw loved it.
But where am I? Woodpaw wondered. Trapped in between them? I don't know what's right and what's wrong.
Five Clans, four clans, one clan... Did it make a difference? He thought about what Lighningpaw had said. What balance was there amongst the Clans now? At the last Gathering he'd attended, there had clearly been tension between the other Clans... he wouldn't be surprised if they all ended up throwing themselves into battle. That wasn't balance, was it? Still, he wasn't confident that Burntstar's plan would solve anything, either.
"So, um... Burntstar?" He, too, sounded nervous. "Once we've taken down the clans and formed our own one... what then? What'll we do?"

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

"I'm not sure if you've noticed," Heronpaw sneered,"but there's hardly four Clans as the moment seeing as AquaClan has been evicted and you forgot that StarClan should also be counted in. That's five. Does it really matter?" He flashed his teeth at Lightningpaw as a warning to keep his mouth quiet. The black and white tom was starting to come across to him as a frightened mewling kit.
Heronpaw's actions were ignored by Burntstar who, for everyone's benefit, had finally decided to sit still. He curled his tail around his paws, the tip flicking restlessly against the ground. His amber eyes travelled briefly to Lightningpaw, communicating a world of displeasure at his comment. However, he didn't linger long as the leader turned his gaze to Woodpaw with a small smile. He was finding this apprentice the most reassuring of the three. There actually seemed to be some intelligence there that could be of some use to him.
"Well Woodpaw that is just one of many possibilties," he meowed warmly. "We will have to make our own Clan quickly as to take down the others. Once they're -what did you say?- taken down, we can choose our territory and put in place the borders. Our Clan will have to be strong enough to destroy any warriors who try to make a counter-attack."
"It'll be a bloody war," laughed Cactus, making his first in-put for the evening.
"Exactly," Burntstar meowed, nodding his head at the rogue. "It'll be a war where we will win."

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw snapped back at his brother, his teeth and white marking glowing in the moonlight. "You know, from the way you've acting and going along with this, I'm surprised you even still believe Starclan exists!" He hissed, tail flicking back and forth angrily. "And the clans have had their hard times before, they'll get through it!" He said in his defense and his home. He glared seethingly at his brother before hearing what Cactus' and Burntstar's comments, shivering. This was not good, he didn't want to do this anymore! Did Heronpaw not understand this meant turning against their clan? Their leader, friends, family?! He was way over his head now....

[á£Îmaý---♫♥]

His hackles rose and the fur bristled along his back as Heronpaw snarled at his brother. He flexed his sharp white claws, digging them into the ground. "I don't see StarClan warriors helping us now! I think you listen to Sootpaw too much." He barely resisted the urge to sink his claws into soft flesh but did not have the chance as he was shoved back by Suntail who glared down at him. Heronpaw meerly hissed and flashed his teeth at the she-cat, turning away from her in his trademark huff. His brother was pathetic. We'll get through it! As soon as he had the chance he was going to rip Lightningpaw's pelt off and leave him for crowfood. He would not be embarrassed by him in front of Burntstar. He would not be held back.

Burntstar regarded the two apprentices with a cool, but wary, gaze. He was unsure whether he could trust Heronpaw to make sure the other apprentices kept their mouths shut on what was spoken about at these meetings. But from the two, Lightningpaw was his main concern. This evening the black and white tom had voiced his opinions allowed and those opinions worried him. It was especially so as he was looking at Hawkstar's son. Burntstar sighed in annoyance and turned his eyes up to the night sky. "StarClan are very forgiving. They have their plans and we have our own," he meowed lightly. "Lightningpaw, you will help your brother and Woodpaw to find more apprentices interested in my teaching. " He turned his amber eyes downward and met Lightningpaw's green ones with a look of reproach. "I would appreciate it you could stop making such feeble excuses. We don't make decisions based on whether they upset the balance of things. Understand?"
There was threat hiding behind Burntstar's dark eyes. If he had to, he would kill Hawkstar's son, simply to protect himself and his own plans.

[heartnet]

Lightningpaw held Burntstar's gaze as long as he could, before dropping it to his paws. He could feel the tom's gaze on him and it made his skin crawl, he even wanted to go back to his mother and hide. This cat really scared him. Those stories were true and now that he saw it up close...Burntstar was a threat to reckon with. Speaking of threats, he felt the edge in his voice and he nodded without looking up to him. He better watch his steps, or he would be crowfood. If Heronpaw didn't kill him, Burnstar would. "Yes Burntstar..." He murmured quietly.